asian kids are the cutest

I literally just searched YouTube for "cute kids dancing." Scott is watching hockey and I'm super bored, so don't you dare judge me.

Now WATCH!







("Go Jaden, tear it up girl!")

ok, NOW it's 100

I won't ask for your re-celebration because you've already given me so much. I'm just going to quietly acknowledge my 100th post by myself and wish I hadn't made such a big deal out of 99, because now 100 feels like the birthday everyone forgot. My bad.

Anyway, I kind of look like a pirate today. Here, I'll show you:

(me)

(Captain Jack Sparrow)

Don't see it? Ok let me help you out.

Likes, Dislikes, Guilty Pleasures, and my 99TH BLOG POST!

I got so excited when I opened up blogger today to start writing, because I thought that this was my 100th post. Unfortunately I realized that it is actually my 99th - I had one stubby draft that blogger was counting even though I never pressed "publish." But I'm already in the mood to celebrate, so let's all give a resounding "yay!" for me. 99 posts in a little over a year. Let's try to get me crowned queen of the internet, shall we?

Onto less important but potentially more interesting (to you) things... I've made some lists to share with the world. The first is products/habits/etc. that I advocate and want you to all try. The second is a similar list of things that I do NOT advocate and want you to specifically NOT try. The third, to end on a happy note, will be a list of guilty pleasures that you can try at your own risk.

Products/Habits/Things I Advocate:

1. Air conditioners turned on full blast, used in combination with a ceiling fan, in a closed room. Even in the bowels of the sweatiest summer, you can sleep blissfully snuggled in your bed covers. The best.

2. Also related to sleeping, but should be filed under the category "Prevention [comma] Acne" - sleeping with a new, clean hand towel on your pillow every night. It works AMAZINGLY well. As many of you know, I don't suffer from terrible acne, but have always been plagued with sporadic breakouts that seem to crop up at the worst possible times, and I've NEVER found a solution (over the counter or prescription) to get rid of them. Honestly, the towel thing works. Try it.

3. THIS COLOR and THIS COLOR.

4. Farmers markets.

5. Irises.

6. Basil.

7. Ruelala.com - last week alone, I bought a ski jacket (originally $300, I paid $99) and Scott bought a suit (originally $525, he paid $129).

Products/Habits/Things I DO NOT Advocate:

1. Harvard Pilgrim Student Health Insurance. I won't get into the nitty gritty, but essentially I lost years off of my life arguing with them on the phone this week. I had a routine procedure. They cover that procedure. They won't, however, pay my doctor for that procedure because they DON'T LIKE THE FORMATTING OF THE INVOICE. I'm not even kidding you. The formatting. So now I'm on the hook for $175?? Because of THE FORMATTING! So angry.

2. Proactiv. In my search for an acne remedy I succumbed to their sparkly Katy Perry commercials and ordered some. What I didn't realize was, they put all of their customers on an automatic refill plan, so the stuff just shows up on your doorstep whether you want it or not. I called to complain and they told me I could return it, but that I was responsible for the return shipping. I'm responsible to send back a product I didn't order? Give me a break. Proactiv is a scam.

3. Expired milk. Nuff said.

Guilty Pleasures:

1. Monster ballads.

2. The Hills.

3. Reading blogs of people I went to college with but were acquaintances at best, and now I know intimate details of their lives.

4. Using the paper cutter at work for personal things. OK whatever... I just love using paper cutters regardless.

5. Glee's cover of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" which I downloaded and listen to every day.

no words, only sobbing

My tan is slowly fading back to snowy white...

My hair doesn't reek of chlorine...

Every time I peed today it was into a toilet and not the ocean...

I had to supply and pay for my own food...

No one is bringing me ice cream over to where I'm lounging on the balcony...

:(

Vacation is over. A single glistening tear slides down my cheek and drops gently onto the t-shirt, where my bikini used to be. When can I go back to Heaven?

miscellany

Yesterday I realized that it's really weird to eat mandarin oranges while thinking about goldfish.

Friday night I went to a party and had a little too much wine, and then laughed so hard I fell over while try to tell Scott that his bathroom faucet looks like a ram. (It actually does in a weird way.)

I waste a lot of money on bikinis, because I hate them. Bikinis are never flattering and I'm never happy with the ones I have. My favorite is still the one I bought during my sophomore year of college at Target, and Sarah Fait got mad at me because she wanted to buy it, and I said she still should because it's not like we wear bathing suits together that much and we could just plan to not wear them on the same day, but she irrationally refused. Anyway, I usually want to only wear that one, but if I'm going to swim every day that we're in Florida, I probs need to at least switch out my bottoms. That's a yeast infection just begging to happen.

Another thing Sarah Fait got mad at me for once was dumping out some flat soda. I was confused because I was like, "It's mine...and it's old...?" and she was like "Flat soda is my FAVORITE and you should have ASKED."

Scott is paranoid all the time that his sleeves are too "billowy." He's laying on the floor right now wearing his Snuggie and he just said "Hey babe? Do my sleeves look too billowy?"

Today I woke up with a head cold, so I bought a neti pot. Scott uses a neti pot all the time, as does my roommate and lots of other people and I've heard it's really good. So I tried to use it but instead of the water going in one nostril and out the other, in went in one and down my throat, which was gross. So then I tilted my head and it started coming out the other nostril, but in a really weak dribble that ran down my neck and got my shirt all wet.

I'm really good at Trivial Pursuit for Wii and I almost always win. And there's this announcer in the background who says stupid things all the time like "Wow, you got it!" or whatever and usually we tune him out. But during a recent game I actually listened to what he was saying and heard him announce "If this game gets any tenser I'm going to need the toilet!"

If my life gets any awesomer I'm going to be the one needing a toilet.

GOOGLE IT!!

As a modern-day anthropologist of minute proportions (meaning I just wonder about people's behavior occasionally) I have developed some serious questions about a new phenomenon sweeping the nation. I call it "Brain Annex" or "Google Crutch."

Here is a related XKCD: http://xkcd.com/333/

Basically, when did we go from, "I don't know the answer to this question, I must call a more knowledgeable friend" to "I don't know the answer to this question, I'm already Googling/Wikipediaing it!" Not to say it's not effective - it is. I've learned more about American history via Wikipedia than in high school for sure. But it's like...weird.

I forgot to take my medicine today...what should I do?? Call the pharmacy for answers? Or my doctor? No way, I hate talking to people! (Especially people in lab coats, even if it's over the phone. I can hear those coats being gross in the background.) I'll just Google it! "Missed a Flomax, what to do" and suddenly I have the answer, no human contact required. (I don't really take Flomax...or do I?)

It's going too far though, I think. Several times recently I've tried to Google answers to questions like "What is that dumb girl's name from college?" or "Where did I leave my glasses?" and Brain Annex can rarely help, and I feel really stupid for having even asked.

live the dream

I am about to make good on my promise to myself that one day I would set my alarm ringtone to this:



You KNOW you all are jealous. I am going to wake up every morning from now on feeling more powerful than you can imagine, stretching and looking over my territory! I want to take a nap right now just for an excuse to set my alarm, but I'm too excited to sleep.

Yessssssss.

Hockey Makes Me Upset

True Confession: Hockey is my least favorite sport to watch. I like watching football, I love going to Celtics games although I hate watching them on TV, and I don't mind baseball occasionally. We're not going to discuss golf. But I really just have NO interest in hockey. I don't understand the rules and I can never figure out where the puck is. And the rinks are freezing.

However, Scott loves hockey. It's his favorite sport. And whenever the Flyers are in town, he buys tickets. This week, the Flyers and the Bruins are in the playoffs together. Monday night, guess where I was?

Now, of all the things I don't care for when it comes to hockey, I'm generally willing to overlook them because of the novelty of going to a game. I like hot dogs and beer and stuff. But let me tell you something...

BRUINS FANS ARE THE WORST.

I want to insert expletives there but I won't because my mom reads this blog. But seriously. They are the ******** ************ ********* WORST!

This is how our night went: Scott wears his Flyers jersey boldly into a sea of Bruins fans. We walk politely to our seats/stand in the hot dog line/etc. EVERY douchebag (don't read that, Bonnie) who walks past us screams in Scott's face "Boooooo! You suck! Flyers suck! Go home, pussy!" We do not reply.

We sit in our seats and get taunted by everyone sitting around us even though we are not speaking to them or saying anything about the Bruins. We only cheer (cautiously) for the Flyers at the appropriate times. Bruins fans far and wide spot Scott's orange jersey and scream very nasty things to us.

Scott goes to the bathroom and the hecklers turn their heckles on ME. The guy behind me says that I should leave Scott and get with him. I give him the look of death.

Scott comes back and the game continues. I'm eating popcorn and getting really upset and bored. Suddenly I hear someone behind me yell this:

"HEY HOTDOG! YOUR WIFE LIKES POWDERED BUTTER!"

I freeze, popcorn midway to my mouth. Oh my god. The hecklers are calling me fat now. I am in crisis mode. Even strangers think I eat too much popcorn. I'm freaking out and trying to explain to Scott what just happened, and he's confused. He says, "No, no one yelled that. He yelled, 'Hartnell, your wife likes Carter better.' Which is actually a very educated thing to yell..." I didn't hear the rest because I didn't really care now that I knew it wasn't about me. Powdered butter. Is that even a thing? And strangely I wasn't even phased by them calling Scott "Hotdog"??

Anyway, then for the rest of the game the guys behind us spilled beer on me and then threw trash at us until security had to threaten to escort them out. I was really mad and wanted so badly for the Flyers to win so I could turn around at the end and say calmly, "You all have been very rude to us and I hope you're ashamed of yourself. Oh, and THE BRUINS F***ING SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" But instead they yelled the opposite thing to us as we ran from the building trying to save our lives.

Pull it out in game 3, Flyers. Please.