I Feel God in this Chili's Tonight

Sunday, October 3, 2010

the bloggess

Friday was the most bizarre day of my life.

If you check my blog frequently (which I'm pretty sure no one does anymore) you'll notice that my most recent post, titled "Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens" has been deleted. At the end of that post, I mentioned that I'd found a new blog that I thought was funny. And, in the process of commending that blog, I said some mean things about another, similar one - thebloggess.com.

I published that post on Thursday. Friday afternoon, while I was at the gym, I got a notification that Jenny The Bloggess had commented on my post.

I died.

Let me give you some perspective... Jenny has over 60,000 followers on Twitter and is pretty famous among humor bloggers. Everyone links to her. Look, even I'm going to link to her.

And she commented on my blog.

On a post where I called her "depressed," "passive-aggressive," and not at all funny.

Yes, I died. I couldn't even read what she said, I texted Scott and made him do it instead. But as it turns out, she wrote a comment which was actually nice! She said "Huh, I don't find my humor very pleasing either. We should be friends."

My mind was pretty blown and I finished my workout in a daze. As I walked home I mentally composed an apology email and tried desperately to get a grip. When I got home I checked her blog and her twitter to see what she was saying. She didn't blog about it, but she did tweet about me a little. I couldn't quite tell if she was angry or not but I could not calm down until I emailed her a lengthy, comprehensive, and self-deprecating email.

And then...

She wrote back! And she was SO nice. She said that she wasn't mad at all, she wasn't trying to mess with me and she finished by saying "we're cool." I died again, in a good way.

This is my summary of the situation:

1. The bloggess is the nicest person ever, in the whole world. I was mean to her, and she was NICE to me. I am her fan now. I'm also going to tell people we're friends even though that's a bit of a stretch.
2. Apparently the internet isn't the vast abyss I'd assumed. The things I say can find their way into the wrong place. I'm debating deleting my Felicity post, since I don't want Keri Russell getting upset that I said her head was small. (But her head IS small, there's no doubt about that.)
3. SOMEONE OUT THERE SENT A LINK TO THE BLOGGESS. And since my readership is my mom, sister, boyfriend, Cristy, approx 2 friends, and 2 of my mom's friends...WHO THE HELL WAS IT? Fess up. Please?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Live Blogging "The New Adventures of Old Christine" tonight at 9pm!

Lots of bloggers, I've noticed, do this thing they call "live blogging" wherein the watch something on TV like the Oscars or Project Runway, and they blog their thoughts in real time. It's like hanging out with friends without having to put on a bra. Generally I hate live blogging and never follow it, which is why I'm doing it tonight and subjecting you to my boringness. The ooooone catch is that this is a DVRed episode of "Christine" so it's not actually live. At all.

Also I'll just take this opportunity to say, shut up if you're laughing at me for watching this show. I caught my first episode at the gym last week and found it predictable, stupid, and surprisingly hilarious. The plot is incomprehensible, the acting is really artificial, and the sets are cheap looking. But about twice an episode, one of the characters comes out with A REAL ZINGER that leaves me laughing to myself for hours. I spent most of Friday shouting to Scott, "Did you enjoy the singing, Mother Campbell?!" and then convulsing in hysterics while he looked at me with that wistful "Why am I dating this monkey?" look that I know so well.

Now, let's begin.

-- The episode is called "Snakes on a Date" and the summary says "Christine agrees to a date with a children's entertainer who specializes in reptile parties, hoping to help Ritchie get into the Reptile Club." Oh shenanigans, I await you!

-- Ok first commercial break. Time to type. I think I'm kind of missing out on the hilarity at hand because I'm concentrating too hard. "Christine" is best enjoyed by a half-distracted mind. Summary until now: Christine's BFF Wanda Sykes owns a gym, where Christine apparently works? Who knew. And Wanda is featured in a black women's magazine and suddenly a lot of black women join the gym. Christine pretends she doesn't know they're black. Why? Don't know. Also her Asian inspired t-shirt and necklace are muy heinous.

-- There is no time line in this show. Days have no boundaries. If you don't carefully watch Christine's outfits you will get really confused. But if you pay TOO much attention to outfits you'll also get confused, because sometimes they forget to change Richard and Matthew's shirts.

-- LOL. Christine tries to say "right back" to the new black members and she says "I'll be white black. Whiiiite. White black. Black. I'll be white black."

-- Ummm I'm beginning to suspect this is not the episode "Snakes on a Date." There has been no mention of reptiles yet and I have not glimpsed Ritchie.

-- God this was the worst episode ever.

Friday, September 17, 2010

winter is hard

Winter is hard, because there's so much TV to watch. It really eats into the time I set aside for "responsible stuff" and makes me realize how bad I am at prioritizing when I have to choose between writing papers, going to the gym, and watching Modern Family. Thank god I don't work full time.

I made this flow chart to help with decision making:

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

i was doing so well for a while

I posted so many blog entries in August...and then I kind of fell off the wagon. Literally, I fell asleep while Pa was driving, and now I'm all bruised up and dusty, and no one even noticed I was gone, so now I'm alone here on the Oregon Trail trying not to die of diarrhea. No I'm kidding, I fell of the wagon figuratively. I'm an alcoholic again, it prevents me from blogging. Actually there have been no wagons (covered, AA, or otherwise), I'm just lazy and boring.

Here's something I made for a class over the summer. It's just a bunch of pictures stolen from Flickr that I photoshopped together and Palette-Knife-Filtered, but I think it looks cool.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

i copy awesome stuff and hang it in my house

I saw this thing on the internet once...
[click here to see the thing]
...and I really liked it. But no way am I going to pay that price, right? I'd rather die. So I made my own for approx $40!

And don't anyone dare to correct my geography on this thing, I know it's kind of crap and I just have given up on caring.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Felicity Season Two: An Exercise in TRYING To Get Canceled: How Bored Can We Make Our Viewers Before They Stop Viewing?: David Sucks.



I've mentioned before that I am rewatching every episode of the 4 seasons of Felicity on DVD right now. The first season was SO good. I love that season. Felicity is so innocent, wearing those giant heinous sweaters and saying the most embarrassing things to Ben, and then secretly falling in love with Noel. Every episode is hilarious and precious and just so...felicitous.

Cut to the second season...aka, cut my head off. O.M.God. Every time I see Felicity (which is just about every single scene), I make like a Mexican Jumping Bean and lay on the bottom of my plastic cup playing dead while my owner rattles me around and whines, "MOOOOOOMMMM!" This haircut hurts my soul, and it has NOTHING to do with the pixie cut I sported to ring in the new millennium. Really, she just styles it SO badly. I love how the writers sneakily made every character mock her for the stupid thing in the first episode.

But more than that, Season 2 is shitty because it just IS. Hello Felicity - strip off those tight ribbed tank tops and paisley button-downs and replace them with some @%$&()$@##&^ SWEATERS! Break it off with Big-Head McLong-Face and get with Noel, like we all know you want to. Julie, drop the "I'm a hurt girlfriend" act, resume your BFFing with The Feliss, and hop on that Sean love-train. Elena and Meghan, keep being awesome. Noel, good work on YOUR haircut, you look great. Ben, hottie mc-amazing whaaaaaat, you just stand there silently in that leather jacket while I go get you a wheelbarrow for your Emmy's.

Also, Felicity's head is just SO small. How laughable is it when she's making out with Big-Head David? That's another reason she needs her hair back - to disguise the concord grape she's been using as a skull.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Lookin' Fresh


Just in case you guys weren't sure whether or not I was awesome as a kid, here's proof that I WAS.

This is how you can tell:
1. Mullet
2. Pierced ears
3. Purple glasses
4. Teal mock turtleneck with chic black felt detailing - so fly

Thanks Cristy.